After Losing a Spouse: A Gentle Checklist for the First 30 Days

If you're reading this because you just lost your husband or wife, I'm so sorry. Nothing about this is easy, and there's no right way to grieve.

You may feel pressure to handle everything at once. You don't have to. This checklist is here so you can set the worry down, and so it's easier not to miss anything important. Take what helps and leave the rest for later.

If you can, ask a son, a daughter or a trusted friend to sit with you while you go through it.

The First Few Days

Only a few things truly can't wait.

• Call the funeral home. They'll guide you through the next steps, and they usually report the death to Social Security for you.
• Tell close family and friends. It's okay to ask one person to spread the word for you.
• Look for any written wishes. Your spouse may have left instructions about the funeral, a will, or a prepaid funeral plan.
• Take care of what depends on you. Pets, plants, the mail, locking the house. Ask someone to help.
• Rest and eat when you can. Grief is exhausting. Let people bring food.

If the funeral costs are on your mind, our partner blog has a plain guide to what a funeral costs in New Jersey and Georgia.

The First Two Weeks

• Order death certificates. The funeral home can order certified copies. Get more than you think you need. Banks, insurance companies and other offices often each want their own. Ten is a common number.
• Find the important papers. Life insurance policies, bank statements, the will, the deed or lease, car titles, and recent tax returns. Put everything in one folder or box.
• Call Social Security. Even if the funeral home reported the death, call or visit to talk about your benefits. Ask about:

- The survivor benefit. A surviving spouse can usually receive up to 100% of the deceased spouse's benefit at full retirement age, or a reduced amount as early as 60 (or 50 if you have a disability). If you already get your own check, ask whether switching to the survivor benefit would pay you more. - The one-time $255 payment for a surviving spouse who lived with them, or who was getting benefits on their record. - Any check that arrives for your spouse for the month they passed. Social Security pays one month behind, so the payment that arrives the month after they pass must be returned. If it came by direct deposit, the bank usually sends it back.

• Contact the life insurance company. If your spouse had a policy, the person named on it can start the claim. Our guide on how to file a life insurance claim, step by step walks you through it. If you're not sure a policy exists, the National Association of Insurance Commissioners has a policy locator that can help, at no cost.
• Check with your spouse's employer or former employer about any pension, final paycheck, or life insurance through work.
• If your spouse was a veteran, contact the VA. There may be burial benefits and other help.

The First Month

• Keep paying the bills that matter, like the mortgage or rent, utilities, car insurance and health insurance. Set aside the rest until you know where things stand.
• Talk to your bank. Accounts held jointly usually stay open for the surviving spouse. Accounts in your spouse's name alone may need the will or court papers. Bring a death certificate.
• Review your health insurance. If you were covered through your spouse's plan, ask about your options and deadlines right away.
• Watch for scams. Sadly, people sometimes target new widows and widowers. Don't give out personal or bank information to anyone who calls you first, even if they say they're from the government or a bank. Hang up and call the number on your statement.
• Talk to a lawyer if there's a will or property to settle. They can explain what's needed in your state.

What Can Wait

You don't need to decide these in the first month, and many people are glad they waited:

• Selling the house or moving
• Giving away clothes and belongings
• Big money decisions, like investing a life insurance payment

It's okay to put life insurance money in an FDIC-insured bank account (within the FDIC's coverage limits) while you grieve. It'll still be there when you're ready.

Taking Care of You

Grief comes in waves. Some days you'll get a lot done, and some days you won't. Both are normal.

Lean on your church, your family and your friends. Say yes when someone offers to help. If the sadness feels too heavy, talk to your doctor or a grief counselor. Many churches and hospices offer grief groups at no cost.

When You're Ready

In time, it may help to look at your own plans: who is named on your accounts and policies, and what your family would need if something happened to you. There's no rush. When you're ready, Kevin can help you look things over, gently and without pressure, in English or Spanish. Pick a time that works for you, or call or text (848) 212-8787.

Kevin is a licensed life insurance agent in New Jersey and Georgia. This article is general education, not legal, tax or financial advice. For your Social Security benefits, contact Social Security directly. For settling an estate, talk to a lawyer in your state.

FAQs: After Losing a Spouse

This article is general education, not tax, legal or investment advice. Rules and numbers can change, so check your own situation before you decide.

← All articles